You know, I've never tried to claim that my life is hard, because it isn't, in fact I live a pretty blessed life, but GD, sometimes, I just don't know. If you're wondering why you haven't seen a blog post in over a month, it's because I've been working my ass off. I cannot find words (believe me I've tried) to quantify exactly how much work I have to do between planning for 7 classes and working on my teaching portfolio, just trust, that's it more work than anyone person should be asked to do. I could quite literally spend all of my waking hours at school working on these two things and never finish. I'm getting sick of feeling like this, like there is never an end. The good news is that there is an end, my teaching portfolio is due May 31 and the last day of school is June 5.
This is good news, but it's not all good news, I still don't have a contract, and I was just informed that if I don't have one by June 31, I will not be getting my teaching certificate renewed, which means that I cannot teach next year. This is devastating to me. Because I've been so overwhelmed just trying to keep my head above water, I've had no time to look for new employment. I have completely dicked myself. If I was smart, I would have quit lesson planning last month and made it my full time job to find a new job, but I didn't want to do that. First, it would be really unfair to the children here, second, I don't want to leave. I have been going a million miles an hour for over a year. I've lived at four different addresses in two states over the last 13 months. My life has been filled with uncertainty. Four days after school gets out I'm suppose to be in Gustavus starting my kayaking gig and I'm contracted to do that until August 18th. I don't think that I can emotionally, or physically for that matter start in a new district in the fall. There are limits to what I can do and I think that would be pushing it. For the first time in my entire life, I'm just too tired.
The good news is that I might have a part-time school librarian/teacher/counselor gig here in Thorne Bay which will fulfill the requirements of my program. The job has yet to be posted, and I will of course have to apply for it, but I'm confident that I will get it.
It's really weird, I normally feed on uncertainty (point-in-case: moving to Anchorage last year without a job prospect) but I'm sick of it. I don't know if I'm finally growing up (at the ripe age of 28) and experiencing something that normal be people feel all time that prevents them from living a nomadic lifestyle with no attachments and no possessions but something is changing or maybe I'm just exhausted.
Earth Day 2012
Trash Art Competition
Dance Party
Yoga
Please, if you're reading this, send me a positive employment thought. It would one less thing to worry about.
Here is my wise positive thought, spoken from someone who has also felt the pains of breaking down. Just give into the uncertainty. This may work out exactly as you would like, or it may not. Either way, you can't FORCE them to open a job for you. Its outside of your control and thats the most frustrating part. So what part of this message is positive? Just that you are doing your absolute best, and as Dee Ladenburg would say, "You can't do anymore than that." You have been awesome at this Emily, and I don't know how everything is going to shake out, or how you will become a teacher but I know its going to happen. The important thing is that it will happen, and sometimes it just happens in a way that is more annoying. I've only been chasing jobs like I have been with a positive attitude because I look to you a lot a think, "God, she is always so optimistic! And it appears to be working for her!" I will be sending you lots of love, good vibes, thoughts and prayers. Big Hugs. No one expects you to be strong all the time. I think part of growing up is allowing yourself to have hard times too. Things outside of one's control are lame because there is a LIMIT to what you can do. I think you have reached that limit. Go easy on yourself. At the end of the day you will definitely be guiding this summer doing some amazing trips! I'm so sorry Ebs, and heres to you getting that Librarian gig....(and yes, I will be sending some half-moon spectacles and a chain).
ReplyDeleteM, just remember that when one door closes it allows for another to open. If this school district is too stupid to give you a continuing contract, then so be it. This may or may not be the place for you. But believe me there is a place for all great teachers!
ReplyDeleteUncle
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete